Plain 'ole Pigeon

As I lay on grass pool side gazing into the sky a bird flew directly overhead and as the sunlight shone the wings there was an iridescent translucent green glow. I thought "wow - what kind of bird is that??!!".  I turned around to look behind me to watch it as it landed to get a sip of water from a puddle and I saw that it was a "plane 'ole pigeon"- so beautiful!

"I picked a bad day to come"...

It was the Monday of the end of the girl's trip to St. Peterburg Florida. B. and I had checked out of the hotel; A. was upstairs sleeping in until her later flight.  B. had gone off to get some coffee.  I was sitting on the bench right outside of the hotel front door, waiting for my ride to the airport, enjoying the quiet early morning, soaking in the sea air and the last quiet moments of vacation.  A young family came walking out of the hotel front door; parents with two young boys about the ages of 4 and 7.  The father noticed a cockroach on the ground in front of them and pointed it out to the boys - they were so excited!  The youngest one without hesitation ran over to me put his hand on my leg and grabbed my hand to come see it - he was so ecstatic he couldn't contain himself!  It was such an incredibly sweet moment and it touched my heart. I was happy to walk over with him and check out the bug.  I thanked him for showing me this exciting critter. I marveled at his enthusiasm. The mom said "I'm sorry",  I said "No, this is great!".  When the excitement of the cockroach citing was over I went back to my bench, the family continued to explore the hotel driveway.  Their car arrived, and as I was looking off into the sky watching some seabirds flying by, the mom called out "Have a good day!" - she had made a special point to call out to me.  I think she was thankful of the graciousness of the moment. 

Later that day...after arriving home I decided to go swimming at Deep Eddy Pool.  It was early in the day and a Monday I thought it would probably be a nice quiet day at the pool, even though it was officially summer and the kids were out of school.  I got a front parking spot in the shade - yes, it'd be good.  As I approached the entrance way I saw a long line of about 15 kids all the age of about 6 obviously part of a group outing.  Then a school bus pulled up!  Oh no, another group - I thought "I picked a bad day to come", "I should just turn around now and come back another day (I had two more days off of work - and could come then)".  I hesitated but decided to ahead and go in.  I settled into a spot on the grass at the adult end of the pool.  As I looked around I noticed the adult side of the pool was quite full - then I noticed the kid's side was completely empty and all of the kids were on the adult side.  What?  Then I overheard the people next to me talking about some sort of "incident" in the kid's side of the pool and they were now draining that side.  And evidently  this was a very recent development.  Oh man "I picked a bad day to come! I can't believe this.  Oh well, I'll hang out for a bit then leave".  Within 15 minutes I noticed the crowd starting to dissipate.  And within 30 minutes about 80% of the crowd had left and what remained was a small quiet group. I congratulated myself for hanging in there because now it was even quieter than usual!  Maybe I didn't pick such a bad day after all.  A bit later I noticed over in the corner of the pool a man was being transferred from a wheelchair into a mechanical chair that was attached to the pool (Deep Eddy has two mechanical chairs that lower those with disabilities into the water) - and he was lowered into the water.  He was blond with extremely fair skin- he obviously did not see the sun very often.  There was a beautiful lady accompanying him who seemed to about the same age as he.  At first sight I wondered if she was his caretaker, physical therapist, friend, sister, lover/partner, or some combination.  But I quickly noticed how much love she showed him and I knew she was more than just a caretaker/physical therapist.  Once in the water she wrapped her arms under is underarms as he faced up toward the sky.  She sat still with him for a bit (she was in the shallowest lane so she could stand easily) then began pulling him through the water.  He was thrilled!  Every now and then he would hoop and holler - for a flash moment I wondered if that was a good thing or a bad thing then I would see the lady with the hugest grin on her face every time he made this sound - so I knew it was a good thing.  There was so much joy and love shining through both of them I could barely behold it.  I was in awe and I could not stop watching, nor could I stop tearing up.  When they would rest and sit still for a bit he would just stare into the sky soaking in the beauty.  I was soaking in the beauty of the moment.  They stayed for quite a long while.  When it came time to leave and he was back in his wheelchair on the ground she stood facing him - he had his arms outreached as far as they'd go with his head thrown back staring at the sky.  I don't know if this position was due his lack of body control or his intentional position but she stood facing him and doing the same posture - she spread her arms wide and gazed up at the sky soaking it all in.  How beautiful!  Then she leaned over and wrapped her arms around him to give him a hug.  With a bit of effort he was able to get one arm to come up and around her back, then with continued effort and time he managed to get his other arm to go around her. My tears came again and I was so incredibly grateful for being able to witness this beauty.   "I picked a good day to come"...

random notes on books, movies

I have seen very few movies in the past 2 years, either due to very few interesting ones being released or due to my recent feeling that spending time in the theatre is a waste of time (not like I don't spend plenty of my time doing other wasteful things), an escape, and I have too many other things out in real life to do. The other night I rented for the first time in a very long time - "Music Within" and "Once". Once was much better than what I expected. I had resisted seeing it previously because I thought it was going to be some hip generational film that would make me feel 'too old' for not getting it - and that it would be nothing but songs - no story. But I kept hearing good reviews from people I considered to have good taste. I was pleasantly surprised. Although I did get the feeling that the story line was written around the music, just to be able to put the music in a film - but it worked. Music Within (about finding one's music within) was even better, but I had no prior knowledge of the movie and no preconceptions - I randomly picked it up in the video store. It's based on a true story and shows how very specific events and actions, in this person's life led to his life path. I love stories about fate/destiny - and this one was truly compelling because it was based on actual events. I loved this movie!

I found it interesting that I rented two movies about music on the same night - one literally and one figuratively.

Books I've read so far this year: "Eat, Pray, Love' - this book was emotionally intense. The story of the gut wrenching pain of a relationship ending brought back memories of old pain (old wounds) that I did not want to bring back. It took me places I wasn't prepared to go. I am healthy and strong and don't want to open up healed wounds. But I could also relate to that feeling of healthiness, exuberation (is this a word?), release, when you realize you have fully released your emotions/attachment/obsessiveness and completely let go - and you are free again and healthier, stronger and full of clarity because of it. This book was emotionally rich and took a bit out of me, but left me feeling full and didn't want to pick up another book for awhile. I read a Lousie Hay book - and can't remember the name...then I read "Gift of the Redbird' - spiritual is the only way I can describe it. Then "A New Earth" - I'm not sure what I read -I enjoyed it as i read it, but if you asked me specifically what it was about, I don't know that I could recap (other than it's about dealing with ego and shadows- very related to yoga and buddha philosophies and other writers, so nothing exceptionally new, but it's always good to have various perspectives and good that his book is appealing to a mass audience, so hopefully it'll help make some positive shifts in the world and lead us to a more peaceful world). One reason I don't remember much about the book is that immediately after I finished it I began reading "The Book of Secrets" by Deepok Chopra and because of the concepts (and my tired brain at the end of the day) I am only able to absorb about 4 pages at a time and it's made me forget what I read in a New Earth. I read Eckart's other book "Power of Now" many years ago and I have to say that book was very frustrating, I felt like I was reading the same concept over and over again just using different words - it was like he had a concept that could have been summarized in two sentences, but he made a book out of it - I was mad that I had wasted my time reading the whole book. But New Earth was much better and what I do remember is that I was not frustrated as I was with the Power of Now.

ciao

flying through the air

Today I took a flying trapeze class.  It was an amazingly beautiful experience.  The ropes were set atop a beautiful cliff overlooking the rolling hills of green lush trees, a nature preserve on the outskirts of town - with hawks flying in the air up above.  It was overcast and cool (unlike the hot sunny day yesterday) and was at 10 in the morning while everything is still quiet.   I didn't have time to think about what it would be like - because I had signed up for the class so long ago and had forgotten that it was coming up until a few days ago, then busy with work, etc - anyway it's good that I didn't have time to think about the anxiety provoking experience of climbing a tiny ladder high into the sky and then completing letting go as the teachers and ropes tell you to do.  As suspected I didn't really think about until I was up there - "what am i doing up here?!"...As I was climbing the ladder, my mantra was "trust in the teachers, the ropes, your body.  Trust in God.  You can do it.  Just follow the steps, follow the instructions."  At the top of the plank the view was absolutely breathtaking, rolling hills of green trees all around; hawks in the sky, so close - I kept taking in deep breaths, telling myself to breathe, as I was chalked up and hooked up.  

The experience is somewhat like what I imagine the horse whisperer workshop to be - you know, the workshops where working with horses helps you learn psychological lessons about yourself.  I'm  good at having beginner's luck - my first time up I did good, not excellent, but good, I did all of the required moves - swung out on first prompt; swung my knees up on bar; release hands; reached/arched back with hands like a back bend.   But having beginner's luck is deceptive because people think I'm capable...then when the 'thinking/analyzing' me tries a repeat performance...well not so good. My second time...a little rough - I missed the timing to get my legs bent up on the bar.  But I went through all the rest of the moves.  And the one move that I thought would scare me the most - was not scary at all - the release - which requires 3 big kicks back and forth then tucking your knees which propels you into a back somersalt, landing nicely on the net. The teacher was such a good man (as well as all of the teachers assisting him) - he talked to me thoughtfully after my second run and said "you did it here on the ground bar, I know you're a good athlete... "(stop for sidebar...HAH! my grade school gym teachers are turning in their grave - if their not still alive - I have always considered myself quite the 'unathlete', always last chosen for the teams, always the scrawny smallest kid, etc.  So now that I'm in my 40's, I'm a good athlete! ha - must be the yoga and lindy hop dancing - ok I know it was just his way of making me realize that my body was capable of the moves- but I'll drink in the words anyway since they're so counter to what my inner voice believes).  He continued  "...so I know your body can do it.  You have a good knee catch, good form, so there's something psychological keeping you from getting there on cue - you seem hesitant up there, non-commital, like you're just hanging out to see what happens next; you've got to plan your move and commit to it and move with conviction; you've got to visualize your move here on the ground before you even get up there; and commit to it."  Ahhh, it hit on the exact issue I've been noticing in my life lately - that I don't know how to visualize, focus, and commit (a bit of laziness...I've even lamented "i don't know how to be an athlete - I can't do the hard work that 'it' requires)  It's come up in dance class, photography, and lots of other endeavors- that in life you need to use what successful athletes do - visualization, focus, and commitment.  And "I've never been a good athlete" (hmmm...old message..).

The third time up we were to practice being caught on our arms by the teacher on the other bar, upping the challenge quite a bit.  I felt good about my ability - I just needed to commit to the leg swing to get my knees up there - I had done it before.  I got my knees up there, swung back to look up above behind me and there he was - our arms met and he had me, we swung, then release. AMAZING - I did it.  It was an adrenaline rush.   Well all 3 times were a rush - but the 3rd was especially sweet!  It was so smooth!

It wasn't my first time on the beautiful nature preserve grounds of this facility.  After class I sat among the trees; walked the nature trails through the trees; as I sat on a bench by the sanctuary I gazed up through the trees towering directly over me and was lost in thought for awhile.  I heard a bird chirping in a tree right behind me, I turned to see a cardinal, a red bird, singing to me.  Just two weeks ago I read "The Gift of the Red Bird" by Paula D'Arcy, and the moment meant all the more.

namaste,

to  

flippin' over these crepes- 20 Oct 2007

my first blog, i'll start with my weekend awhile back, drafted from my diary...

Friday: met up with my lindy hop dancing friends at a cool venue in a historical building downtown - had a glass of red wine at home before I went out, danced hard - home at 11:30pm felt so good be home early.

Woke up Saturday morning with both cats curled up with me, it was a crisp cool morning, and the first in a long time - felt so good knowing I was free for the day (no work; no obligations) and had the entire day to myself. I started out at the vet to pick up cat food, then off to the hardware store for lawn bags and some wood for a photo/art project I'm working on - they guy at the hardware story was very generous to cut my wood into squares for me. Then off to a vintage clothing store to see if there were any interesting clothes or accessories to wear to the 1940's dance I'm going to tonight - nothing found. Went to the most tasty/mouthwatering crepe place- voted "best crepes this side of france" and they are amazing!!! They sell them out of one those old airstreamer trailers, covered with christmas lights and chinese lanterns ( I LOVE christmas lights and chinese lanterns - i use them inside and out year round - the glow they give off is surreal) - scattered with little tables and chairs in a grass/rock lot - it was so popular - a 45 minute wait for my crepe, a great opportunity to sit outside and enjoy the great weather. A butterfly landed on my 12" by 6 " in table and I watched it's tongue curl out and in several times, must have been something tasty on the table, then it flew over and landed on my leg. Later a bee landed on my watch face and crawled around in circles for a bit, then began to tuck his head under my watch to crawl BETWEEN MY WATCH AND ARM, yowsa! Just as I was about to try to unlatch my watch without disturbing him - he flew off - whew! (why are bee's "he's" and butterflies "she's"?). My crepe was mouth watering and found myself planning my next outing to here - which friend would want to check this out? what would we order? we could each get a meal crepe and split a sweet crepe. Their hours are limited and I found myself trying to memorize the odd hours they were open - saturdays 9-3 and 6-9? sundays - closed :(. weekdays - lunch only?

i decide i'll wear a vintagesque skirt i have to the dance and head to small town 30 minutes away at an airport hangar the dance is a fundraiser to restore a historic airplane - my dancing friends and i will probably be the youngest ones there,.. or the only ones there..
my dancing shoes...
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