random notes on books, movies

I have seen very few movies in the past 2 years, either due to very few interesting ones being released or due to my recent feeling that spending time in the theatre is a waste of time (not like I don't spend plenty of my time doing other wasteful things), an escape, and I have too many other things out in real life to do. The other night I rented for the first time in a very long time - "Music Within" and "Once". Once was much better than what I expected. I had resisted seeing it previously because I thought it was going to be some hip generational film that would make me feel 'too old' for not getting it - and that it would be nothing but songs - no story. But I kept hearing good reviews from people I considered to have good taste. I was pleasantly surprised. Although I did get the feeling that the story line was written around the music, just to be able to put the music in a film - but it worked. Music Within (about finding one's music within) was even better, but I had no prior knowledge of the movie and no preconceptions - I randomly picked it up in the video store. It's based on a true story and shows how very specific events and actions, in this person's life led to his life path. I love stories about fate/destiny - and this one was truly compelling because it was based on actual events. I loved this movie!

I found it interesting that I rented two movies about music on the same night - one literally and one figuratively.

Books I've read so far this year: "Eat, Pray, Love' - this book was emotionally intense. The story of the gut wrenching pain of a relationship ending brought back memories of old pain (old wounds) that I did not want to bring back. It took me places I wasn't prepared to go. I am healthy and strong and don't want to open up healed wounds. But I could also relate to that feeling of healthiness, exuberation (is this a word?), release, when you realize you have fully released your emotions/attachment/obsessiveness and completely let go - and you are free again and healthier, stronger and full of clarity because of it. This book was emotionally rich and took a bit out of me, but left me feeling full and didn't want to pick up another book for awhile. I read a Lousie Hay book - and can't remember the name...then I read "Gift of the Redbird' - spiritual is the only way I can describe it. Then "A New Earth" - I'm not sure what I read -I enjoyed it as i read it, but if you asked me specifically what it was about, I don't know that I could recap (other than it's about dealing with ego and shadows- very related to yoga and buddha philosophies and other writers, so nothing exceptionally new, but it's always good to have various perspectives and good that his book is appealing to a mass audience, so hopefully it'll help make some positive shifts in the world and lead us to a more peaceful world). One reason I don't remember much about the book is that immediately after I finished it I began reading "The Book of Secrets" by Deepok Chopra and because of the concepts (and my tired brain at the end of the day) I am only able to absorb about 4 pages at a time and it's made me forget what I read in a New Earth. I read Eckart's other book "Power of Now" many years ago and I have to say that book was very frustrating, I felt like I was reading the same concept over and over again just using different words - it was like he had a concept that could have been summarized in two sentences, but he made a book out of it - I was mad that I had wasted my time reading the whole book. But New Earth was much better and what I do remember is that I was not frustrated as I was with the Power of Now.

ciao

flying through the air

Today I took a flying trapeze class.  It was an amazingly beautiful experience.  The ropes were set atop a beautiful cliff overlooking the rolling hills of green lush trees, a nature preserve on the outskirts of town - with hawks flying in the air up above.  It was overcast and cool (unlike the hot sunny day yesterday) and was at 10 in the morning while everything is still quiet.   I didn't have time to think about what it would be like - because I had signed up for the class so long ago and had forgotten that it was coming up until a few days ago, then busy with work, etc - anyway it's good that I didn't have time to think about the anxiety provoking experience of climbing a tiny ladder high into the sky and then completing letting go as the teachers and ropes tell you to do.  As suspected I didn't really think about until I was up there - "what am i doing up here?!"...As I was climbing the ladder, my mantra was "trust in the teachers, the ropes, your body.  Trust in God.  You can do it.  Just follow the steps, follow the instructions."  At the top of the plank the view was absolutely breathtaking, rolling hills of green trees all around; hawks in the sky, so close - I kept taking in deep breaths, telling myself to breathe, as I was chalked up and hooked up.  

The experience is somewhat like what I imagine the horse whisperer workshop to be - you know, the workshops where working with horses helps you learn psychological lessons about yourself.  I'm  good at having beginner's luck - my first time up I did good, not excellent, but good, I did all of the required moves - swung out on first prompt; swung my knees up on bar; release hands; reached/arched back with hands like a back bend.   But having beginner's luck is deceptive because people think I'm capable...then when the 'thinking/analyzing' me tries a repeat performance...well not so good. My second time...a little rough - I missed the timing to get my legs bent up on the bar.  But I went through all the rest of the moves.  And the one move that I thought would scare me the most - was not scary at all - the release - which requires 3 big kicks back and forth then tucking your knees which propels you into a back somersalt, landing nicely on the net. The teacher was such a good man (as well as all of the teachers assisting him) - he talked to me thoughtfully after my second run and said "you did it here on the ground bar, I know you're a good athlete... "(stop for sidebar...HAH! my grade school gym teachers are turning in their grave - if their not still alive - I have always considered myself quite the 'unathlete', always last chosen for the teams, always the scrawny smallest kid, etc.  So now that I'm in my 40's, I'm a good athlete! ha - must be the yoga and lindy hop dancing - ok I know it was just his way of making me realize that my body was capable of the moves- but I'll drink in the words anyway since they're so counter to what my inner voice believes).  He continued  "...so I know your body can do it.  You have a good knee catch, good form, so there's something psychological keeping you from getting there on cue - you seem hesitant up there, non-commital, like you're just hanging out to see what happens next; you've got to plan your move and commit to it and move with conviction; you've got to visualize your move here on the ground before you even get up there; and commit to it."  Ahhh, it hit on the exact issue I've been noticing in my life lately - that I don't know how to visualize, focus, and commit (a bit of laziness...I've even lamented "i don't know how to be an athlete - I can't do the hard work that 'it' requires)  It's come up in dance class, photography, and lots of other endeavors- that in life you need to use what successful athletes do - visualization, focus, and commitment.  And "I've never been a good athlete" (hmmm...old message..).

The third time up we were to practice being caught on our arms by the teacher on the other bar, upping the challenge quite a bit.  I felt good about my ability - I just needed to commit to the leg swing to get my knees up there - I had done it before.  I got my knees up there, swung back to look up above behind me and there he was - our arms met and he had me, we swung, then release. AMAZING - I did it.  It was an adrenaline rush.   Well all 3 times were a rush - but the 3rd was especially sweet!  It was so smooth!

It wasn't my first time on the beautiful nature preserve grounds of this facility.  After class I sat among the trees; walked the nature trails through the trees; as I sat on a bench by the sanctuary I gazed up through the trees towering directly over me and was lost in thought for awhile.  I heard a bird chirping in a tree right behind me, I turned to see a cardinal, a red bird, singing to me.  Just two weeks ago I read "The Gift of the Red Bird" by Paula D'Arcy, and the moment meant all the more.

namaste,

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